


Vertigo

by andthensusays



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Miscommunication, Relationship Problems, Sad Louis, Smut, kind of, serious amount of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 22:27:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1916229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andthensusays/pseuds/andthensusays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Absolutely nothing was okay anymore, and all Louis could feel was hurt—deep, aching pain radiating from every pore in his body as he tried desperately to figure out how the hell they had gotten so far apart.</p>
<p>Or, the one where Louis and Harry have been dating for ten years, and married for two. Marriage is not exactly the smooth sailing that Louis had hoped it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vertigo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [abandonthenotion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/abandonthenotion/gifts).



> Here is the prompt I was asked to fill:
> 
> So Harry and Louis come out, and it's not nearly as bad as they thought it would be and they get a lot of shit but they also get a lot of support. But this isn't in the fic it's just like a yup this is how it happened part. So they've been out for a while and One direction has been over for a while. Harry has a solo career and Louis stays in where ever want them to live. So while Harry's on the road the media and the fans and everyone start to say that harry is up to his old ways (which never happened in the first place) and is cheating on Louis. Jealous sad Louis please, and sad Louis and angry Louis and nervous shaky Louis. Lots of angst and sad stuff, but also a happy ending and kisses and love and baby. I don't care if you want mpreg to be a thing or is they adopt.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope this turns out to be what you were looking for, my dear!!

**July 2020**

“I don't think Harry loves me anymore,” Louis said, staring at his phone, interrupting Liam mid-sentence.

“Um, what?” Liam asked dumbly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I mean, I don't think he's _in love_ with me anymore.”

“Sorry, but...what? Louis, do you hear how crazy you sound right now?” Liam asked incredulously.

“Not crazy if it's true,” Louis insisted petulantly.

“O...kay,” Liam said slowly, putting down the pad of paper he was writing on and moving to sit on the sofa next to Louis. When he saw what Louis was looking at on his phone he scoffed and grabbed the phone from him, “Tommo, what are you even doing looking at shit like this? You know what rubbish this is, the paps can make a story out of absolutely anything.”

“Well, sometimes their stories aren't so far-fetched, are they?” Louis muttered sourly, but didn't make a grab back for his phone.

“Are you seriously telling me that you think that Harry, _your_ Harry, the one who is completely and utterly obsessed with you, the same boy who purchased no less than thirty-five monogrammed towels after you got married and he changed his name, is not in love with you anymore?”

“Liam, please don't patronize me right now,” Louis sighed heavily. “It's just...whatever, just forget I brought it up.”

“Hey, no,” Liam said, grabbing Louis' hand from where he was hugging his torso, wrapping in on himself. Liam tugged until Louis unraveled and turned to face Liam. “It just seems so illogical from where I'm sitting, but you're right, I'm not you, and it's clearly bothering you, so tell me what's going on.”

“I don't know,” Louis sighed. “It's just...Harry's never here anymore, Li. _Never_. And when he is, it's kind of like he's not, you know? He's always off with someone or another, meeting friends or going somewhere, and...I kind of feel like he's forgotten all about me.”

“I don't know if any of that means he doesn't _love_ you, though,” Liam pointed out.

“It's not just that. He's gone so much and I feel like every time he goes away we talk less and less, and every time he comes home we see each other less and less and the other day I guess I just finally realized that maybe it's intentional, you know? I mean, shit, Li, I don't know how much more obvious he could be without sending me divorce papers.”

“It sounds like you're going through a rough patch,” Liam acknowledged gently. “But, I still just don't believe that Harry wants to divorce you, let alone doesn't love you anymore.”

“Do you know when the last time I talked to him was? Three days ago!” Louis despaired. “And even then he only called me to ask me to send over some more clothes for him. He's moving out of our house by post!”

“Maybe he just needed clean clothes?” Liam supplied.

“I thought this was going to be easier, you know? Like, we've gone through _so much shit_ for years and years, and we made it through the absolute worst. When we got married, I just kind of thought, this is it, it doesn't have to be hard anymore, not like it was. And it's not hard like that, it's hard in a completely different way that I didn't even see coming and I just can't help but think like, maybe it's always going to be hard with us. Maybe we're just not supposed to be together but we've been too stubborn to realize it until now,” Louis said, letting out a long exhale and running a hand over his face haggardly.

Louis felt completely and utterly overwhelmed, and exhausted. He and Harry had spent the better part of their lives fighting for each other, fighting to stay together, fighting never to give up, and Louis just wasn't sure how much fight he had left in him. Especially if he was the only one left fighting.

Liam reached out and wrapped his arms around Louis, squeezing the older man with as much love and affection as he could muster. Louis gave himself into the hug, letting his shoulders sag and body collapse, taking refuge in the affection even if only for a moment.

“Mate...” Liam began, then trailed off biting his lip, as if he was working out the best way to say what he had to say. “It sounds like things are pretty hard right now, and you're right, you and Harry have been together for what seems like forever. And I know that we all kind of take for granted that you and Harry are a forever thing,you know? But like, it's okay if you're not.”

“What are you saying?” Louis asked, confused.

“I guess I just mean...are you sure it's _Harry_ who's fallen out of love here?”

Louis looked at Liam with wide, horrified eyes, mouth gaping as his brain tried to come up with something,  _anything_ to say in response. All he could muster was a strangled noise as he burst into tears.

Absolutely nothing was okay anymore, and all Louis could feel was  _hurt—d_ eep, aching pain radiating from every pore in his body as he tried desperately to figure out how the hell they had gotten so far apart.

**XXX**

**September 2016**

When One Direction made the decision to take an indefinite hiatus (because no one could even imagine calling it The End), it was with far less sadness than Louis had originally expected. They were all tired, worn out, overworked, and ready to do other things with their lives. Louis and Liam immediately went into business together, opening their own label and working as songwriters and producers. Zayn and Perrie finally had the time to plan that wedding that had been put on hold for entirely too long, and Niall started dabbling in various aspects of the music industry, eager to form his own niche on the production side of things. Harry, for his part, spent his time as a househusband, preferring to throw himself into all kinds of new hobbies, for once not worrying about his career or his future, letting things happen organically instead of trying to force himself into a new role.

Harry and Louis' coming out happened without any of the fanfare or broad declarations of love that many were probably expecting. They were photographed out shopping one day, and the photographer happened to catch them in a kiss, and that was that. There was no interview, no television appearances, no lengthy PR statement. Just a few brief messages on twitter setting the record straight, and then they went on with their lives.

“Hey,” Harry whispered, curled up next to Louis in bed, scrolling through his twitter feed on his phone, gauging the fallout from their tweets.

“Yeah?” Louis asked, stretching and lazily wrapping an arm around Harry's stomach.

“I'm so lucky to have you,” Harry said, settling earnest, heartfelt eyes onto Louis.

“Yeah,” Louis breathed, a soft, fond smile spreading across his face. “Pretty sure I'm the luckiest person in the world, to have you.”

“We made it,” Harry said softly, lips curving into a pleased smile.

“Knew we would,” Louis said confidently.

“Never doubted it,” Harry agreed. “God, I love you so much. Even after all this time, just as much as ever.”

“I should hope so!” Louis teased with a laugh, before becoming serious again and pressing a soft kiss to Harry's shoulder. “I love you too, Sunshine. Always, always, always.”

“Three alwayses?” Harry giggled. “That's quite a long time, there.”

“It's forever,” Louis promised, letting out a happy giggle of his own at seeing his boy so happy. “Besides, when you say it three times, you know it's true.”

“Oh is that the rule?” Harry laughed.

“That is most definitely the rule,” Louis asserted.

“In that case, I love you, I love you, I love you,” Harry said sweetly, leaning down to press a slow kiss to Louis' lips. “Forever, forever, forever.”

“God, we are so embarrassing,” Louis laughed, making Harry snort out a laugh in response, and before he knew it the two of them were curled up in bed together, giggling like maniacs. And why shouldn't they be? They were out, they were happy, and all was right with the world.

It was the very beginning of the rest of their lives, and the world felt infinite in front of them.

**XXX**

**July 2020**

After his conversation with Liam, and subsequent breakdown, Louis went home and curled up on the sofa in one of Harry's oversized shirts, wrapping a blanket around himself as he tried to take his mind off of things with silly television shows. After two ridiculously stupid shows came and went and he was still feeling as lousy as ever, he took out his phone and opened his text messages, just wanting to hear from Harry. Just wanting something to go off of, something to hold on to.

The message Louis sent was simple, it said,  _ I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. _

Fifteen minutes later, his phone beeped in alert when Harry responded. Heart in his throat, he opened it with shaky hands.

It was a heart emoji.

One fucking heart emoji was the only response he received from his husband.

Louis stumbled into the kitchen, pulled out the vodka, and drank until his tears felt meaningless, until he was throwing up for some reason other than the fact that his entire world was falling apart around him. If he fell asleep on the bathroom floor, alone and covered in sick, it really didn't matter.

There was no one there to find him anyway.

**XXX**

**December 2017**

“It's almost midnight!” Harry exclaimed, wobbling a little as he hugged Louis tightly, burying his adorably drunk head into Louis' neck.

“Pace yourself, love, or you'll be passed out the second the countdown ends,” Louis laughed, pressing an affectionate kiss into Harry's curls.

“Will not!” Harry insisted, holding up a bottle of champagne for Louis to drink from. Their house was full of people, family and friends alike, alive and vibrant and loud. With everyone laughing and chattering around him, and the love of his live tipsy and hanging off of him, Louis couldn't imagine a better way to ring in the new year.

“Decided to forgo a glass and just get right to it, then?” Louis laughed, lifting the bottle to his lips. “Very efficient, I approve.”

“Gemma started it,” Harry said proudly, giggling as he took the bottle back and took a large swig himself.

“I can only imagine,” Louis chuckled, all too familiar with the chaos that can occasionally surrounded the two Styles siblings once they team up for mischief. “You be sure to thank her for this in the morning when you're too hungover to think.”

“Not that drunk,” Harry promised. “Just happy. Happy with you. Happy New Year! Happy.”

“Very happy,” Louis laughed, heart overwhelmed with love for his boy.

“What's your resolution?” Harry asked abruptly.

“Can't tell you or it won't come true,” Louis teased.

“No!” Harry laughed. “That's wishes. Resolutions you have to tell, because then other people will know and you'll be forced to do them.”

“Is that how New Year's resolutions happen, then? Peer pressure?” Louis giggled.

“Obviously,” Harry scoffed.

“Well, I do have one that I suppose I can tell you. It probably wouldn't hurt for you to hold me to this one, either,” Louis said vaguely.

“What is it? Oh, is it doing the washing up? Because I am in firm support of that resolution,” Harry guessed.

“No, it's not the washing up,” Louis laughed. “I only have one resolution this year, and it has nothing to do with cleaning whatsoever, I'm sorry to say.”

“There's always next year,” Harry teased. “Alright, what is it, then?”

“My resolution,” Louis said slowly, turning so he was facing Harry completely. He reached a hand up to brush a stray curl away from Harry's face as he continued, “My resolution is to marry you.”

Harry's face broke into a thousand-watt smile that was threatening to split his face in half, and Louis couldn't help but match such a brilliant smile with one of his own.

“Really?” Harry asked, touched.

“Really,” Louis confirmed with a happy giggle. “We've been engaged forever, let's finally do it. Let's get married. 2018 sounds like a good year for a wedding, right?”

“Lou,” Harry cooed, eyes welling up with tears. “It sounds perfect, babe. Absolutely perfect.”

Louis pulled Harry in for a happy kiss, which didn't last as long as he would have liked because Harry started giggling right in the middle of it. When Louis pulled back, Harry let out a loud laugh and hit Louis in the shoulder.

“Louis, you absolute tit!” Harry exclaimed, throwing his head back as he tried to get his giggles under control. “I can't believe you tell me this now! It's two minutes to midnight on New Year's Eve and I'm drunk! You tell me you want to marry me and I'm drunk!”

“But you already knew I wanted to marry you,” Louis pointed out.

“Yeah but not this year! This is like, official set a date want to marry me, not just a someday want to marry me. It's different!” Harry explained. “Also, did I mention that I'm drunk!? You saw how much champagne I've been drinking! This is completely unfair.”

“I'll admit, sometimes my timing is a little off,” Louis laughed.

“A little,” Harry scoffed.

“But, hey, look at it this way—you've got the rest of your life to learn to deal with it.”

Harry couldn't continue pretending to be angry after hearing that, his brilliant smile quickly replacing his pout.

“Gonna spend the rest of my life with you,” Harry promised.

As the countdown to midnight started all around them, all they could do was stare at each other with matching stupid grins on their faces as the excitement mounted in the room. When the clock hit midnight they sealed it with a kiss, and if maybe they both were laughing this time, what was the harm?

Louis planned to laugh with Harry for the rest of his life.

**XXX**

**July 2020**

Louis had known that when he told Liam, word would slowly make it's way to the other boys, so it came as no surprise when only a few days later Zayn showed up at his door with some weed and a sad smile. That was what Louis loved the most about Zayn—he always knew when  _ not _ to ask questions.

Louis let Zayn in with a quiet sigh, and they made small talk for a couple of minutes before lighting up in silence. Louis appreciated Zayn's quiet, supportive presence as he allowed himself to let go and become numb to all of the many, many thoughts swirling around in his head.

They smoked in silence. Louis spent an hour staring at his wedding ring.

**XXX**

**August 2018**

Louis had always expected to be nervous on his wedding day. That was simply a forgone conclusion for most people. And why shouldn't they be nervous? It was a big day—it was the day you pledged to spend the rest of your life with another person. Only, when the time came, Louis came to find that he didn't feel nervous at  _ all.  _ Instead, a sort of calm satisfaction washed over him as he realized that he had absolutely no reservations at all about marrying Harry. If he was being completely honest with himself, he had known he was going to marry Harry from the minute he met him.

The wedding was beautiful, it really was. Louis' mum and Anne both cried, and although Gemma would never admit it, Louis was pretty sure he saw some tears from her as well. Louis had teased Harry for weeks leading up to the wedding that Harry had better start practicing saying his vows while crying, because there was absolutely no way Harry was going to be anything  _ other  _ than a blubbering mess as he pledged his love to Louis. Of course, like everything else in their relationship, things didn't exactly go as planned. Harry was able to get through his vows without shedding a single tear—the smile on his face was blinding as he spoke his vows with calm happiness. Then when it was Louis' turn, who no one thought would ever shed a tear during the ceremony, he ended up struggling to get out the words as happy tears started streaming down his face.

Once Harry saw  _ Louis _ crying, he couldn't help but join in, and Louis finished his vows with the two of them standing together, giggling and crying. Louis figured that he should have known to expect the unexpected with the two of them.

When they kissed as the ceremony ended, Louis didn't think his heart could be full of more love. He was practically bursting with it, and as Harry pulled back just enough to nuzzle their foreheads together, Louis made a vow of his own that day. He promised himself that he would always love and protect Harry.

“Oh my God, Lou,” Harry murmured as the guests around them applauded raucously. “We're really married. God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Louis said, bringing his hands up to Harry's face to bring him in for another kiss.

Love and protect Harry for the rest of his life? As if he could ever do anything but.

**XXX**

**July 2020**

Louis woke up to his phone ringing. The clock on his bedside table read 2:30pm. Groaning, he picked up his phone, heart fluttering when he saw it was Harry calling.

“Hey,” Louis said, picking up the phone, trying to sound as casual as possible. Like he wasn't dying a little bit every day Harry didn't call. Like he wasn't still in bed at 2:30pm because what was even the point of getting up?

“Hi,” Harry said, and Louis could tell just from the sound of his voice wrapping around that one word that Harry wasn't calling with good news.

“What's wrong?” Louis asked, in no mood for pleasantries or small talk.

“I can't come home next week like I had planned,” Harry said. “I'm not sure how much longer they're gonna need me out here for, but things with the record haven't been going as quickly as I'd hoped. I think I'm gonna be out here kind of indefinitely, for awhile.”

“...Oh,” Louis said softly, suddenly feeling very small, and very much alone. He hadn't seen Harry in almost a month, and now his husband was telling him that he'd be remaining in LA indefinitely.

“Lou, I'm really sorry,” Harry started, but Louis didn't want to hear it. He just didn't want to hear any of it.

“Hey, no worries,” Louis said, forcing his voice to remain bright. “You're making a record—these things happen, yeah?”

“I just—“ Harry sighed. “I know we haven't really seen each other much lately.”

“Yeah, well, you're a busy guy, Harry Styles,” Louis teased, putting a hand on his stomach as he felt his entire world collapsing around him. Suddenly he couldn't breathe, and all he wanted to do was get off the phone. He couldn't have this conversation with Harry, not over the phone, and not when he was so certain that it would end with Harry saying he was never coming home again. “Listen, I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to run. I've got a, um, meeting...thing. And I had almost completely forgotten about it until you called, so um, we'll talk later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Harry sighed. “I'll try and call you later.”

“Sounds good, bye,” Louis said, hanging up the phone before Harry could get another word in, trying very hard not to think about the fact that Harry hadn't even bothered to correct Louis' usage of Harry's name. Harry took every opportunity he could to correct people that he was no longer Harry Styles, but Harry Tomlinson.

The fact that he had let Louis get away with calling him Harry Styles said more about the state of their relationship than Louis really wanted to think about.

It was almost funny, watching his relationship crumble to an end felt quite similar to watching it begin—dizzy confusion with just a touch of nausea. Vertigo.

Louis let out a heavy sigh, rubbing a hand over his face before getting out of bed and trudging slowly downstairs for a bowl of cereal. Halfway down the stairs, however, he could hear the television on in the living room, and knew that meant only one thing.

“Hi Niall,” Louis said, walking into the living room where Niall was seated on the couch with a bag of crisps in his hand, flipping through television channels.

“Bout time you woke up,” Niall said. “I was about fifteen minutes away from going in there and waking you up myself.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighed, “my sleep schedule has been pretty strange lately.”

“You and Harry always did sleep better together,” Niall said casually, but Louis heard the implied message behind it, and took a small comfort in the knowledge that Harry wasn't sleeping well either.

“What brings you by?” Louis asked, flopping down on the sofa next to his friend.

“You,” Niall said pointedly.

“Liam has been talking, I see.”

“He's just worried about you, you know. Besides, even if he didn't say a word it's not exactly difficult to see that you're miserable.”

“Yeah, for everyone other than my husband, apparently,” Louis said bitterly.

“Louis, have you even talked to him before you decided that he doesn't love you anymore?” Niall asked gently.

“That's the _point_ , Niall, he won't talk to me. He won't answer my calls, he won't respond to my text messages, and he won't _fucking_ come home,” Louis spat angrily.

“Is he staying in LA longer, then?” Niall inferred, sympathetically.

“Indefinitely,” Louis whispered sadly, running a hand through his hair as he felt like curling in on himself.

“Then, mate, go to LA,” Niall suggested.

“What?”

“Go to LA,” Niall said again, more firmly. “If he won't come here, then go to him. Louis, it's—it's like you've already given up. It's not like you, not when it comes to Harry. You've _always_ fought for each other.”

“But if I'm the only one left fighting, what's the point?” Louis wondered, not for the first time.

“Louis, I say this because I love you,” Niall said, standing up and brushing the crumbs from his lap. “Get up off your arse and go to LA. No excuses. Take the next flight. I will drag your sorry arse to the airport myself if I have to, but you are not allowed to just sit here and let this happen.”

Louis stared at Niall in shock for a minute before absorbing what the younger man was saying to him.

“Go to LA?” Louis questioned. “What, so Harry can break up with me in person?”

“Maybe,” Niall acknowledged. “But at least you'll know, yeah? At least you'll have tried.”

The thing was, Niall had a point. It may or may not be what Louis should have done from the beginning. As terrifying as it was, he was right—at least Louis would know. And no matter what the outcome, it had to be better than sitting at home in London slowly torturing himself about it.

He had promised himself once that he would always love and protect Harry. As angry and hurt as he was, he still loved Harry. He absolutely did, he knew that with every fiber of his being. And maybe that promise meant protecting Harry from himself, sometimes, protecting their relationship from imploding in on itself. Maybe that promise meant fighting when he had no more fight left.

“Yeah...” Louis sighed. “Okay.”

**XXX**

**January 2020**

“Hi, love,” Louis said, walking into the kitchen and planting a kiss on Harry's cheek.

“Hey,” Harry said, looking up from the pasta that was boiling on the stove.

“How was your day?” Louis asked.

“Fine,” Harry shrugged. “Yours?”

“Good,” Louis smiled. “Really good. Liam and I started working on a new song that I'm really excited about.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. You should drop by the studio tomorrow to hear it,” Louis suggested, taking a seat at the big island in their kitchen.

“Yeah, maybe,” Harry said noncommittally.

“Oh, and I talked to—”

“I think we should have a baby,” Harry said hurriedly, cutting Louis off.

“What?” Louis asked, surprise evident across his face.

“I've been thinking a lot about it, Lou, and I think now's the right time. I think we should do it,” Harry insisted, turning from the stove to face the island.

“Um...okay,” Louis said, getting his thoughts together. “Sorry, Haz, you've just caught me really off guard here. I mean, you _know_ how much I want kids with you, babe. It just seems like, really sudden on your end.”

“I know I said we were too young,” Harry explained. “But that was months ago, and I've changed my mind.”

“Okay...what changed your mind?” Louis asked, confused. Harry had been acting so strangely recently, his mood was up and down and unpredictable, and with this new-found desire to have children, Louis couldn't help but suspect that there was something else going on inside of that curly head of his.

“I dunno, I've just been thinking a lot about it, I guess, and the more I think about it, the more I think it's a good idea,” Harry said with a shrug.

“Harry, love,” Louis sighed, standing up and walking over to the other side of the island, wrapping the younger man in a hug. “Do you want to know what I think?” Louis asked, pulling back just enough so that his hands were still resting against Harry's waist. Harry nodded, and he continued, “Honestly, I think you're bored. You wanted time off to be a househusband and to try different things, but it's been almost four years, and I think you're dying to get back to work. And, Haz, I'm not saying that you're _not_ happy doing what you're doing, but I don't think it fulfills you in the same way that performing does. So, if you're thinking of kids as like, a way to ease your boredom, then I think we're still not ready. We shouldn't have kids just because they seem like a fun project, you know? We should have kids because our life feels incomplete without them.”

“What are you saying?” Harry asked nervously.

“I'm saying go back to work, yeah?” Louis suggested. “Write songs, make a record, do _something_ that you love, and then if at the end of that you still want kids, we'll talk about it then, okay? We're still so young, you're only 26, we've got all the time in the world to have kids. Let's not rush it.”

“You really think I could make an album?” Harry asked nervously. “Like, just me? You think people would even be interested?”

“Babe, I think people would be very interested. At the very least me and your mum would buy ten thousand copies each,” Louis teased. “Harry Styles' first solo record? It'll be a hit.”

“Harry Tomlinson,” Harry corrected automatically, bringing a grin to Louis' lips.

“Of course. Harry Tomlinson.”

“I do miss working,” Harry admitted.

“I know you do.”

“But I don't want you to think that, like, I only was thinking about kids because I'm bored, Lou—that's, that's actually pretty insulting,” Harry said, eyebrows furrowed, face contorting into one of distaste.

“No,” Louis agreed. “You're right, that came out wrong. I don't think that, I know you wouldn't say you want kids just because you're bored. I know you better than that, I'm sorry.”

“Things have just been kind of hard this last year or so, you know?” Harry said with a heavy sigh. “I feel like I've had something to occupy myself with for the last couple of years. At first, it was just enjoying the break, and then there was the wedding, and then we travelled for awhile for our honeymoon, and then we bought the new house, but...this last year things kind of slowed down, and I feel like I've just been doing the same things every day. It's fucking monotonous.”

“Then do something else,” Louis suggested kindly. “It doesn't have to be making a new record if you don't want to, but just find something that makes you happy. You know whatever you want to do, I'll support you 100%. Even if you want to come work with me and Liam at the new label, there's always a spot for you.”

“I know,” Harry said, looking down at Louis. “I'll think about it.”

“That's all I want to hear,” Louis said with a grin, capturing Harry's lips in a quick kiss.

“Sometimes I feel like you know me better than I know myself,” Harry said, shaking his head with a small laugh.

“Well, I have loved you for about ten years, now. I'd be concerned if I _didn't_ know you so well,” Louis pointed out.

“God, has it really been ten years?”

“Just about,” Louis nodded. “Crazy, isn't it?”

“It really is,” Harry agreed, “Love you, you know.”

“Love you too,” Louis said easily, pressing another kiss to Harry's lips before returning to his seat at the island.

Harry was right, it had been a rough year for him. Louis had been feeling his boredom mounting for months, so he was glad that Harry was looking into ways to get back to work.

It would do him some good to get out of the house.

**XXX**

**July 2020**

Louis called his mum from the car on the way to the airport, figuring he should at least let her know that he was leaving the country for a few days.

“Hi, darling!” Johannah said, answering the phone.

“Hi, Mum.”

“What are you up to?”

“That's why I wanted to call you, I'm actually heading to LA for a few days,” Louis said.

“Oh, to see Harry?” Johannah assumed.

“Yeah...to see Harry,” Louis confirmed with a sigh.

“You don't sound too happy about that.”

“Things have been really hard lately,” Louis confessed sadly. “I don't—part of me wonders if he even wants to be with me anymore.”

“Really?” Johannah asked, sounding surprised.

“That's kind of what I'm going to LA to find out,” Louis said. “I just...I never see him anymore, I never talk to him, and when he's home it's like he's not even here. And then he called the other day and said that he doesn't even know when he's coming home again, so I just...I don't know. And it's killing me, so that's why I'm going. To know.”

“Sweetheart,” Johannah cooed sadly. “I don't know what's going on with you two, but I do know that Harry has always looked at you like the sun rises and sets with you. Marriage isn't always easy, and I know that you know that, but...don't give up just yet,” she counseled.

“I don't want to give up,” Louis said honestly. “I'm just not sure that he feels the same way at the moment.”

“Let me know if there's anything I can do, okay?”

“Yeah, I will,” Louis agreed.

“And let me know when you've gotten in safely. And give my love to Harry. I love you so much, Louis.”

“Yeah. Love you too.”

Louis hung up the phone and tried to tune out the rest of the world until he was on the plane heading towards the states. Unfortunately for him, the woman sitting next to him just so happened to be reading one of the millions of trashy gossip magazines that had Harry's face plastered all over them recently, making all kinds of sordid accusations about the state of Harry's marriage, his sexuality, and heaps and heaps of rumors about cheating. It was disgusting.

Louis didn't think Harry would cheat on him, not really. Only, it didn't help his mindset and his confidence in their relationship to see the headlines day after day after day, and to have Harry next to ignoring him half a world away. He didn't think Harry was cheating on him, no. But...he sometimes wondered if Harry  _ wanted  _ to, and that was almost just as excruciatingly painful to think about.

He shut his eyes and tried to sleep all the way to LA. Sleep didn't come easy.

**XXX**

**May 2020**

Harry had been in LA for four weeks working on his upcoming album. Even though Harry had contacts in London, most of the artists and producers he wanted to work with worked out of LA, so the logical decision was for Harry to split his time between LA and London. Louis had only recently started his own record label with Liam, and was tied up with business in London, so he opted not to go with Harry to LA. It had been quite some time since the two had been separated for so long, and Louis found that he didn't like it at all. But, he wanted to be supportive of Harry's new project, so he did his best to give his husband space, and he tried not to take it personally when Harry's calls became fewer and fewer as time went on. Harry was busy, he was making a new record, of course he wouldn't have much time to talk to Louis, right?

Except, then Harry came home. He was only home for one week before jetting back out to LA for more work, and Louis felt as though Harry hadn't even come home at all.

“I'm getting dinner with Nick tonight, so you'll be on your own,” Harry said, grabbing his keys and shrugging on a light jacket.

“You're going out again?” Louis asked, surprised. “You just got home from shopping with Lou.”

“Yeah, well, I'm only home for a week, you know. Trying to cram in as much as I can,” Harry said logically.

“...Right. Good.”

“See you later, call me if you need anything,” Harry said, and before Louis could blink he was out the door.

No 'I love you', no kiss, nothing. Just...gone.

**XXX**

**July 2020**

Louis had hoped to catch Harry before he left for the studio, but he didn't get to the house in time. He hadn't called Harry to let him know that he was coming, afraid that if he did Harry would ask him to stay, tell him it wasn't worth the trip, and Louis didn't think he could quite handle hearing that.

Louis tried to take advantage of his time alone in the empty house, planning what he would say to Harry when he gets home, trying to go over all the different scenarios in his head, but the more he thought about it, the more nervous he became. Despite how difficult things had become, he  _ did  _ love Harry, would  _ always  _ love Harry, and he was becoming more and more certain that it would absolutely destroy him to learn that Harry didn't love  _ him _ anymore.

As the hours ticked by, Louis couldn't help but feel as though he was waiting for an execution.

Louis worried himself into a frenzy, and that mixed with jet lag caused him to curl up in their bed for a quick afternoon nap. He wasn't expected to be woken up by the bedroom door flying open and Harry's surprised voice.

“Lou!” Harry exclaimed, shocked. “What are you doing here?”

“What?” Louis asked, sitting up immediately, trying to adjust from being woken from a deep sleep.

“You didn't tell me you were coming,” Harry said.

“Yeah...surprise?” Louis said weakly, already feeling his hands starting to shake by how obviously unwelcome the surprise was.

“No, I'm not—I'm not mad,” Harry promised, seeming to read Louis' body language. “I just wish you had said something. I've got dinner plans tonight.”

“You've got...dinner plans?” Louis asked, voice low, unable to keep the hurt out of it. “Harry,” Louis said tiredly. “Do you have any idea when the last time we talked was?”

“I called you a couple of days ago,” Harry pointed out.

“No, I mean really talked. Not, hey Lou can you send me more clothes? Or hey, Lou, I'm probably never coming home again, bye. I mean, really talked,” Louis implored.

“I know,” Harry sighed. “I really wish you'd called.”

“Fuck your dinner plans!” Louis exclaimed, throwing off the covers and getting out of bed angrily. “Harry, I am your fucking husband, and I came to LA because you just told me that you don't know when you're coming home again, and all you have to say to me is that I should have fucking called?”

“It's with the label, I can't just cancel,” Harry insisted.

“Okay,” Louis said softly. “If you're telling me that I came all the way to LA and you'd rather go have dinner with your fucking record label, then I think you've just told me everything I need to know.”

“Louis, don't be so dramatic,” Harry said, rolling his eyes, and Louis finally hit the end of his rope.

“Dramatic?!” Louis exclaimed, grabbing the pillow from the bed and throwing it at Harry angrily. “I'll give you dramatic! You stupid, selfish, arrogant, prick! If you wanted to leave me, you could have at least told me to my face! I am your fucking husband, Harry! You can't just ignore me until I go away! I fucking hate you so much! I hate you, Harry! I hate the shit out of you!”

Louis stood there, breathing heavily, as Harry gaped at him from across the room. Suddenly, he felt tears spring to his eyes and he had to move or he'd start sobbing, and he'd given enough of himself to Harry to last a lifetime.

Louis moved to the closet, ready to start packing up his things that instant, but Harry grabbed his elbow, turning him around roughly.

“Louis, what the fuck!?” Harry exclaimed. “Leaving you? What are you even talking about?”

“God, do I really need to spell it out for you?” Louis asked, hating the way his voice trembled as he continued on, “You don't love me anymore.”

“What?” Harry asked, gripping Louis' arm tighter as shock registered across his face. “Louis, what? I think I would know if I didn't love you anymore.”

“Really?” Louis scoffed. “Because think about the way you've been acting, Harry. You've been ignoring me, avoiding me, downright cold to me, and you expect me to think that you still love me?”

“God, that is so like you!” Harry exclaimed. “You always think you know everything, but God, Louis, sometimes it's not all about you!”

“No, it's about us and the fact that you've fucking given up on us!” Louis practically screamed.

“How could you say that!” Harry cried. “How could you even think that?”

“Because you walked out!” Louis exclaimed. “You don't even have to spend this much time in LA, but you're here! You're always here, and when you're home, it's like you're still here! What the fuck am I supposed to think?”

“You told me to come!” Harry exclaimed. “You—this was your idea!”

“Because I wanted you to be _happy_!” Louis screamed.

“Well I'm fucking not!” Harry yelled, letting go of Louis' arm, squaring off with him as they shouted at each other. “I'm so fucking miserable! And you fucking sent me here, you self-centered twat! You told me we couldn't have kids until I started working again, you complete arse-faced, selfish jerk!”

And wait,  _ what? _

“What?” Louis asked, feeling some of his anger dissipating, being replaced with complete shock. “That's not what I said.”

“It was pretty heavily implied,” Harry spat angrily.

Louis stood there, chest to chest with Harry as they practically snarled into each other's faces, and tried to absorb what had just happened. And he was _so, so furiously_ angry at Harry, but before he could think of a way to respond, he noticed that Harry's head scarf had come half undone, situated lopsided in his hair, and Louis couldn't help but feel completely endeared by the sight. Despite himself, he cracked a small smile.

“Arse-faced?” Louis teased, watching as some of the tension left Harry's shoulders as his lips twitched in a small chuckle.

“Shut up,” Harry groaned, taking a step back and running a hand over his face tiredly. “I hate you.”

“I know,” Louis sighed, feeling some of the tension being released from his back as he took a shaky breath.

“Look, I—I know that we have a lot of things we have to talk about. And you're right, maybe I have been hiding here a little,” Harry admitted. “But like, it's not at all because I don't love you, Louis. Can we just, can we just get that straight before this goes any further? Because I'm really fucking mad at you, but I _hate_ that you thought that.”

“Okay,” Louis agreed, fighting to keep his lower lip from trembling upon hearing that Harry really _does_ love him, really _hasn't_ given up on them yet. “Same goes for me. I just want you to be happy, Harry. I never meant for you to think that I was forbidding babies until you started working again. I'm really sorry you felt like I was.”

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but the alarm on his phone went off, startling them both.

“Dinner,” Harry groaned, fishing his phone from his pocket to silence the alarm. “I'll call and cancel.”

“No,” Louis sighed, shaking his head. “You're right, I should have told you I was coming. Go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.”

“Come with me?” Harry suggested timidly. The suggestion surprised Louis, but he couldn't help but smile fondly at his husband, mulling the idea over.

“I can do that,” Louis agreed, eyes crinkling as Harry squeezed Louis' hand in silent thanks.

They had a lot to talk about, it seemed, but this was a start.

Dinner was a quick affair, just some casual schmoozing with the executives at Harry's new record label, but there was free food and free wine, and Louis got to sit and admire Harry throughout the meal, so all in all he would consider it a success. It was nice just to sit in the same  _ room _ as Harry again, even if there were three other people sitting around the table. Louis had missed Harry more than words could really say.

There was a crush of paparazzi upon leaving the restaurant, obviously tipped off by someone that Harry and Louis were having dinner together. Now that Harry was back in the media spotlight, their relationship was under constant scrutiny. People were more or less supportive of them, in theory, but that didn't stop the gossip rags from doing their best to try and unearth a cheating scandal that just simply didn't exist.

“Harry! Is it good to see Louis again!” a photographer shouted.

And Harry and Louis  _ never _ engaged the paparazzi. They had a personal policy to keep their mouths shut and their eyes facing forward when it came to photographers, but in this one instance Harry turned toward the photographer and  _ answered _ .

“Yes,” Harry said, giving him a toothy smile. “I've missed Louis very, very much.”

With that, they were escorted into a car and on their way home.

_ Smooth, Styles,  _ Louis thought to himself, flashing Harry a small smile.  _ Very smooth. _

When they got home, Harry suggested going for a swim in the backyard pool, and Louis couldn't think of any reason why not. So, they changed into their swim trunks, and hopped into the pool.

“You must be exhausted,” Harry noted, as Louis leaned back and let his body float in the water.

“It's been a very long day,” Louis acknowledged, closing his eyes and focusing on how his body relaxed in the water. He heard Harry swim over before he felt the younger man's hands under his back, holding him up.

“Do you want to talk about it tonight, or wait until the morning?” Harry asked gently. Louis considered it, opening his eyes and standing back up in the water, wrapping his arms loosely around his husband's neck as they floated together.

“I don't want to fight anymore,” Louis said honestly.

“I don't want to fight either,” Harry agreed.

“We can talk about it now, if you want, but if we start arguing, I'm gonna have to go to bed,” Louis admitted. “I just don't have it in me tonight.”

“No more arguing,” Harry promised quietly, wrapping his own arms around Louis' waist.

“Okay, then,” Louis agreed.

“Be—before we talk, can I just do something first?” Harry asked softly. Louis crooked his head and nodded, and suddenly Harry's hold on Louis tightened as he leaned in. Louis could feel Harry's breath on his lips for a few seconds, as if he were asking permission, before Louis closed the gap and brought their mouths together in a kiss. It was slow and unhurried as they got reacquainted with each other. Louis could feel the gentle pressure of Harry's hands on his back, and couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of _coming home_.

When they pulled apart, Harry brought Louis in for a tight hug, whispering in his ear, “I'm so happy to see you, Lou. I should have done this the second I saw you.”

Louis felt tears of relief spring to his eyes, and all he could do was nod shakily into Harry's shoulder. He had spent such a long time worrying that Harry didn't love him anymore, that he wasn't enough, that their relationship was too hard, and now that he was back in his husband's arms, he felt like he couldn't really be blamed if he were to cry just a bit.

“I'm really sorry I made you feel like I didn't love you anymore,” Harry murmured, pulling back and wiping the tears from Louis' face.

“I'm really sorry that I made you feel like I'd exiled you to prove that you were ready for a baby,” Louis sniffled.

“We're usually so good at communicating,” Harry mused. “What happened?”

“Can't be perfect all the time,” Louis shrugged, before sighing. “I dunno, it was everything, I guess. I was so...focused on trying to support you that I guess I forgot to support _us_. To look and see what you really needed instead of what I thought you needed.”

“And I've just been a mess, Lou. I'm—that's really the only way to describe it. I was hurt, a little, at first, but I recognized your point, that I do need something to occupy my time, and that I _have_ missed working. So I just, kind of, threw myself into it, I guess. And it's just been _so different_ from working with One Direction. It's been...lonely, and difficult, and...I just missed you _so much_. This is the longest we've ever really been apart, and I don't like it.”

“Then why didn't you say something?” Louis wondered.

“I guess I felt like I was being dumb, you know? Like I shouldn't be so dependent on you. Like maybe that's what you were trying to tell me in the first place,” Harry admitted.

“Harry, no,” Louis insisted. “Not wanting to be halfway across the world from your spouse for months at a time is not overly dependent. That's perfectly normal. I hated it too, I missed you so much.”

“It just got easier the less I talked to you, you know? If I didn't talk to you, I didn't have to miss you as much. I didn't have to think about why you had wanted me to do this in the first place,” Harry said with a sigh. “And I'm really sorry for it. I know that I wasn't being fair to you. I was just...doing what was easiest, I guess.”

“Can we just get something straight, please?” Louis requested softly. “I would have babies with you tomorrow, if I could. Encouraging you to do this had absolutely nothing to do with that. I'll admit, it's scary to think about having kids, but like, the good kind of scary, yeah? I just wanted to make sure we were really ready before taking that step. But if you say you're ready, I believe you. You don't have to make a record to prove that to me.”

“I know,” Harry said quietly. “That's what's been driving me crazy. I feel ready, I really do. I know we're young still, but I just...when I think about having kids with you, I just can't think about anything that would make me happier. But, on the other hand, you _were_ right. I have missed working, I've missed making music, and I don't regret getting back into the studio.”

“So what's the problem?” Louis wondered.

“I want kids, but I want a career too,” Harry sighed.

“Then have both,” Louis shrugged.

“But we've always said that we wanted someone home with the kids,” Harry protested.

“We also said that we wanted a wedding cake with The Avengers on it,” Louis teased. “Plans change, Haz. I don't think it would make us better or worse parents if we both work.”

“I should have just talked to you from the beginning,” Harry sighed.

“You should have,” Louis agreed. “But then again, I should have come out here the second I saw you pulling away. I never should have let it get this far.”

“I think this is one of those situations in which we share mutual responsibility,” Harry laughed.

“God, what an adult way to end an argument,” Louis giggled. “Can we really pull the adult card after acting like such children?”

“I won't tell if you won't,” Harry teased.

“I'm really sorry, Haz,” Louis said again, reaching a hand out to brush through Harry's wet curls.

“I'm sorry too,” Harry said, leaning forward to press a kiss to the tip of Louis' nose. “Do you remember our vows?” Harry asked, seemingly out of the blue.

“Course,” Louis said. They were words he could never forget.

“I promised to love, honor, and cherish you all the days of my life,” Harry said seriously. “I meant them then, and I mean them now, and I'll mean them fifty years from now. I love you. I will _always_ love you.”

“I love you, too,” Louis said, meaning those words just as much as the first time that he'd said them, eighteen and shaking. “Always and forever.”

“Always, always always,” Harry said sweetly, making Louis' face burst into a beautiful smile. “When you say it three times, you know it's true,” Harry recalled.

“Forever, forever, forever,” Louis promised.

When Harry's lips met his again, there was none of the timidness of their previous kiss. This kiss was hungry, tongues dueling as they tasted everything they'd been denying themselves for months. Hands roamed over wet bodies, and it didn't take long at all before they were both hard, rubbing up against each other, getting as much friction as they could in the pool.

Harry reached a hand down to palm Louis through his swim trunks, and Louis couldn't help but let out a moan at the contact—it felt like it had been  _ ages  _ since Harry had touched him like that. Harry growled at the sound, grabbing Louis hand and dragging him out of the pool before pushing him down onto a lounge chair, dragging Louis' swim trunks off with one swift motion.

Louis' mouth fell open as his cock sprang free, the cool night air a stark contrast to Harry's hot breath coming out in puffs against him as Harry kissed him all over—his thighs, his pelvis, his abs, before pressing hot kisses up and down his shaft.

“Harry,” Louis moaned as Harry's tongue swirled around his head teasingly.

“Missed you so much,” Harry whispered. “Missed this, missed tasting you, missed all of you.”

“God, Harry,” Louis breathed, eyes blown wide as he looked at Harry nestled between his legs, mouthing at his cock.

“Did you miss me too?”

“Yes,” Louis moaned as Harry's mouth wrapped slowly around the tip. “God, I missed you so much. Love you so much.”

Harry must have found that an acceptable answer, because with that his mouth closed around Louis' cock, taking his time to lick and suck his way down to the base before pulling back up again, getting Louis' cock as slick with spit as possible. Louis closed his eyes and gave over to the sensation of Harry's mouth on him, tongue running up and down his shaft in all the ways that Harry knew he liked.

After ten years together, he and Harry knew each other's bodies like the backs of their hands, could practically give each other blowjobs in their sleep, but yet somehow it ended up being different every single time.

“Fuck, Harry, you feel so good,” Louis moaned, knowing how much Harry loved it when he talked. “Look so pretty like this, mouth wrapped around my cock. I bet you missed it, didn't you?”

“Mmm,” Harry moaned, vibrations feeling positively sinful as he bobbed his head up and down, swirling his tongue around the tip.

“I missed you,” Louis admitted. “Missed this. God, it's been so long, Harry. You were gone for so long, and I can never touch myself the way you do.”

“Did you think about me?” Harry asked, pulling off just long enough to ask the question. “Did you think about me when you touched yourself?”

“Mmm, yes,” Louis groaned. “Only ever think about you. Think about your mouth, ungh, think about how red your lips get when you're sucking me off. Think about your tongue, how hot and wet it is against me.”

“What else?” Harry asked, before using his tongue to trace patterns on the underside of Louis' cock, making his hips twitch and his eyes roll back in his head.

“Th—think about your fingers,” Louis stuttered. “How fucking long and perfect they are, how good they feel inside of me.”

Just then, Louis felt the tip of one of Harry's fingers ghost over his hole, and he let out a sort of manic laugh as he shook his head.

“God, Harry, I wasn't kidding. It's been so fucking long, so close, God, Harry,” Louis panted, feeling the familiar pull in his gut as Harry was racing him towards the edge.

“Want you to come,” Harry said, working his hand furiously over Louis' cock, using his tongue to lap at the head. “Want you to come all over me, mark me up, make me yours,” Harry panted, and the sight of Harry, eyes hooded and earnest as he mouthed at Louis' cock sent him over the edge. Louis moaned as he came, watching his come spurt all over Harry's face, across his lips, dripping down his cheeks, hanging from his chin.

“Oh God,” Louis said. “Oh fuck, Harry, you're so fucking beautiful.”

“Yours,” Harry insisted, using his fingers to swipe up the mess on his face, licking it off slowly.

“Mine,” Louis breathed, sitting up and pressing kisses all over Harry's face, licking clean whatever spots he missed. “My beautiful, beautiful boy.”

“Please fuck me,” Harry panted. “I just want to feel you inside of me, need you to fill me up.”

“Yeah,” Louis breathed. “God, yes.” He took Harry's hand and led him inside, into the bedroom where he knew there was lube in the beside table.

“Love you so much,” Harry murmured as Louis tugged down Harry's swim trunks before covering Harry's body with his own, pressing kisses up and down Harry's neck and across his collarbones, before moving down his chest, paying special attention to the two birds sitting there.

“Love you,” Louis whispered, breathing it into Harry's skin, wanting to tattoo it in to be sure that it was never forgotten.

“Please, Lou,” Harry begged. “I don't want to be teased tonight, just want you in me.”

Louis was about to protest, but when he looked and saw the earnest vulnerability in Harry's eyes, he couldn't do anything but comply. And, truth be told, he understood the feeling. It was a feeling that went along with months of feeling incomplete, and inadequate. It was a feeling that could only go away once they were joined together like that, and Louis was more than happy to oblige.

He poured a generous amount of lube onto his fingers, figuring that it had been as long for Harry as it had for him. His fingers found Harry's hole with practiced ease, slipping in one at a time, stretching and petting him until Harry was writhing beneath him, looking as though he was about to lose his mind if Louis didn't fuck him soon.

“How do you want it?” Louis asked.

“Like this,” Harry said immediately. “Want to see you. God, Lou, love you so much.”

“Love you more,” Louis whispered, leaning down to press a firm kiss onto Harry's mouth before coating himself with lube and slowly pushing in.

“Mmm, yeah,” Harry moaned immediately, fingers grabbing at Louis, trying to force him to go faster, push in harder.

“Patience,” Louis said fondly. “It's been a little while, babe, I don't want to hurt you.”

“You won't,” Harry insisted. “I just want to feel you. Want to feel you for days after.”

Louis pulled out a little before fucking back in experimentally, biting his lip as Harry let out a string of noises from the sensation.

“Please,” Harry begged. Louis pulled back once again before snapping his hips forward, a bit harder than the last, grinning as he watched Harry's eyes flutter closed in satisfaction.

“Fast and hard?” Louis asked, double checking with Harry.

“ _Yes,”_ Harry moaned, moving his hips as much as he could on Louis' dick as if to emphasize the point.

Louis pulled back again, snapping his hips forward even harder, before repeating the movement again, working up a slow but steady rhythm, fucking Harry as deep as he could before his rhythm picked up, thrusts growing faster and faster, harder and harder until Harry had one hand braced against the wall so his head wouldn't go through it as Louis pounded into him, watching the younger man fall apart beneath him.

“You're so perfect,” Louis panted. “So beautiful, Harry. All mine.”

“Yes,” Harry moaned. “Yours, Lou, yours.”

Louis could see from the way Harry was moving that he was close, and reached a hand in between them, grabbing onto Harry's cock and working it up and down in time with his thrusts.

“Oh, fuck, Lou,” Harry moaned. “Oh shit, God, so close.”

“Yeah,” Louis groaned. “Come for me, Harry. You're so pretty when you come, God, you're so perfect, love you so much.”

Harry's eyes fluttered closed, body shuttering as he came hard in between them, clenching and spasming around Louis so hard that it only took a few more thrusts before Louis was coming again too, spilling inside of Harry.

Before Louis had the chance to pull out, Harry's legs locked around him, holding him in place, arms reaching out to pull Louis down into a tight embrace.

“Don't leave me,” Harry breathed, and Louis was almost certain that his heart broke in his chest.

“No, never,” Louis promised. “I'm not going anywhere, not ever.”

“I love you,” Harry said again, loosening his grip so that Louis could pull back and look at him. Harry looked beautiful, curls wild and untamed against the pillow, eyes wide and earnest as they stared up at Louis.

“I love you,” Louis answered honestly, balancing his weight on one arm as his other hand reached up to stroke across Harry's face. “I love you so much, and I promise you I'm not going anywhere. I would marry you again and again every day if I could. We have such a beautiful life, Harry, and we're going to have beautiful babies, and we're going to be so happy together for the rest of our lives.”

Harry's lip trembled as a single tear rolled down his cheek. “I want that,” he whispered. “I want that so bad, Lou.”

“We'll have it,” Louis promised. “As long as we're in this together, we can figure the rest out.”

“We'll figure it out together,” Harry promised.

And things weren't fixed, not completely. There were still many conversations to be had, many hurts to be soothed, but they were back on the same page, back in each other's corner, and that was a really good place to start.

**XXX**

**July 2030**

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Darcy, happy birthday to you!” Louis sang, walking in to wake up their now five year old daughter.

“Morning, Daddy,” Darcy laughed, throwing back the covers excitedly. “It's my birthday today!”

“Why yes, I think it is, little miss,” Louis teased, leaning down to press a kiss to his daughter's forehead. “I think Papa made you a special birthday breakfast this morning, what do you say we go check it out?”

“He did?” She exclaimed excitedly, rushing out of the room and barreling downstairs where Louis knew that Harry was waiting for her.

Louis' next stop was Jacob's room. He was seven, and every bit Harry's child as the curls on his head would suggest. Harry claimed that he saw quite a bit of Louis in him too, but Louis was convinced that he was all Harry. His quiet, gentle demeanor couldn't be anything  _ but _ Harry.

“Jake,” Louis said, reaching out a hand to stroke through his son's hair. “Time to get up, bud.”

“Why,” Jake whined. “It's summer.”

“It's Darcy's birthday breakfast, you know the rules.”

Jacob sat up sleepily, but obediently got out of bed for breakfast, not wanting to disappoint his little sister who he secretly adored, even if she did annoy him to death at times.

“Papa made a good breakfast this morning,” Louis promised, dropping a kiss to the top of Jacob's head as he let his fingers run through his hair. “Chocolate chip pancakes.”

Jacob's eyes lit up and a reluctant grin came to his face as he said, “I guess I can wake up for that.”

“Spoken like a true Tomlinson,” Louis teased. “I'm gonna wake up your sister and we'll be right down, okay?”

“Kay,” Jacob said, yawning before trudging downstairs in pursuit of pancakes.

Louis' last stop was their eldest, Victoria's, room. Victoria was nine, and the clear ringleader of all the children. She was a ball of endless energy, and her younger brother and sister completely adored her. She took her role as eldest very seriously, sweetly helping to ensure that her siblings were always happy.

“Victoria,” Louis sang softly, running a hand up and down his daughter's arm to wake her up.

“What is it, Dad?” she asked sleepily.

“Time to wake up, my love,” Louis said. “It's time for Darcy's birthday breakfast.”

“Okay,” Victoria said with a yawn, sitting up and sleepily opening her arms for a morning cuddle. Louis was only too happy to oblige, knowing that every day that ticked by was another day older, another day closer to the day when she would consider herself too old for a cuddle from her poor, decrepit old father. Louis squeezed her tightly, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Did you remember to put out my present?” Victoria asked.

“We did,” Louis confirmed. “Come on, up you get and you can give it to Darcy yourself.”

Louis followed his daughter downstairs and into the kitchen, where Harry was loading up his children's plates with stacks of pancakes.

“Smells delicious, babe,” Louis complimented.

“Only the best for our brand new five-year-old!” Harry exclaimed, throwing Darcy a cheesy smile that made her laugh.

“So, Darce, how does it feel being five?” Louis asked, taking a seat at the table.

“I feel very old and important,” Darcy said precociously, making everyone laugh.

As their children woke up one by one, gradually the conversation around the breakfast table became louder and louder, until their children were all laughing together, referencing inside jokes and making silly faces at each other.

Right in between Harry catching a pancake that almost fell on the floor, explaining to Darcy once again why dogs  _ cannot  _ eat chocolate, and Jacob sneakily trying to grab another pancake off of Harry's plate while he was distracted, Louis caught Harry's eye. Harry grinned back at him, complete, utter happiness radiating off of him in waves.

Their lives were chaotic at times—Louis and Liam's record label was growing by the day, and Harry's solo career was still quite successful. Things weren't always easy, and they still didn't always communicate as best as they could, but they tried their best, they loved each other wholly and completely, and they had three of the greatest children on the planet.

Louis had come to realize over the years that marriage really _wasn't_ always easy. It was constant work, some days more than others, but Louis thought that he and Harry had gotten pretty good at working _together_ at their marriage. It wasn't always a fight for each other, things weren't always dramatic, but it was constant effort, sharing your life so completely with another person.

As he looked around the kitchen table at his beautiful family, he couldn't think of any more enjoyable work in the world. Life was good. It wasn't perfect, or always easy, but it was  _ theirs _ .

It was funny...spending their life together, growing their marriage, having three wonderful children...well, it kind of felt like the beginning of their relationship—dizzy confusion with a touch of nausea.  Vertigo.

 


End file.
